life as best as i remember....

i think i've moved...

2007-03-04T21:55:00.000-05:00

OK, so I needed a change, I was getting bored. I might be back, but for now check me out at:

labairi.wordpress.com

Same name. Different address. Still life quasi-censored and real. Hope to see you soon.

Liam.

2007-03-03T08:51:00.000-05:00

On Thursday, Jenna went to pick up Liam from school. One of the teachers came up to her and Liam and said, "Liam, we need to show Mommy what you did today."

First of all, anytime this happens, usually it's bad. Usually it means that Liam spread Vaseline all over your bedroom, carpets and door frames or decided that today was the day he'd play the roll of paper shredder.

But the teacher goes over to Liam's bag and pulls this out:

Yeah. That's his first real attempt to write our names. It's amazing to see kids go from completely dependant upon us to the winner of an Independent Spirit Award for My Life as a Three Year Old. Crazy and cool, Liam is da' bomb!

Rachel's Weeping....

2007-03-02T00:22:00.000-05:00

"Rachel's weeping for the children she thought she could not bare.
And she bares a sorrow that she cannot hide.
She wishes she was with them, but she looks and they're not there.
Seems that love comes for just a moment and it passes on by."

-Rich Mullins - (Jacob and Two Women)

I wish I could bear my heart out on this page. I wish I could spill this whole story. It is freaking 12:30AM. I am still awake partly due to too much caffeine, partly because working at a church is just plain hard sometimes. The situation is unthinkable; the circumstances beyond understanding. If life were truly black and white... well, it's not so why bother with the if, then statement. You can't have black and white on a colorfully fallen planet. The ramifications of sin are beyond you looking at what you shouldn't or me spending too much money. It infects life with disease and miscarriages, pain when life should be full of joy, and genetic anomalies when all should be well.

I am angry at this broken, silent planet again. I literally ache for restoration and feel such a burn to bring some hope to this family who is so completely broken today. My heart is heavy. Life will never be as black and white as we sometimes would like, especially when moral stances need to be checked at the door when the reality of life in a fallen world comes crashing down. It is why I must, why I'm compelled to believe that God's love is deeper than we can ever imagine in these situations when sin is grey and love bleeds RED symbolized by love that took a man to a cross.

Please pray for peace and sleep for this heartbroken family.

Just Add Water.

2007-02-23T11:12:00.000-05:00

Thanks, Duderus!

2007-02-22T20:57:00.000-05:00

Seriously, Andy Kaufman and Chad Michael Murray?!

Thanks, Duderus for the fun!

middle of nowhere, america

2007-02-22T15:00:00.000-05:00

In 15 minutes...

2007-02-21T20:53:00.001-05:00

I was going through back issues of Real Simple at Hoffman Manor here in OKC. Yes, I know that it's a girl's magazine, but these are some interesting stats...

In 15 minutes...

117 children are born in the US

Your eyes blink 250 times

An estimated 625 million e-mail messages are sent worldwide. About 419 million of those e-mails or 67% are SPAM!

The US consumes nearly 17 gallons of oil per capita. (Half the rate of Kuwait but twice that of Italy. Good thing I'm selling the Jeep, huh?!)

The US government takes in about $457 million in taxes and other revenues and spends $469 million. (Yes, that is a deficit of $12 million.)

BMW...

2007-02-21T14:46:00.000-05:00

and then you drive a BMW with the top down listening to Jeff Buckley, and all of your ideals about simplicity are shot to hell...

i began to have car-lust. how could i get my hands on this beautiful vehicle? i'm such a sinner. my whole persona changed as i settled back into the leather covered bucket. it felt comfortable. it felt right. even my mother-in-law said as i was leaving the driveway, "Dan is a beemer type of guy." And i am. but that doesn't mean it is good for me, right now or ever. wow, i need Jesus.

be content. be content. be content.

pics from the destination...

2007-02-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

Hoffman Manor with freshly-washed Odyssey

Liam getting OKiee on us already...

Big blue sky over OK...

The Biker.

Pajamas at 3:00 PM.

Riding the NASH (remember those?!)

Observations from the Road: Volume 1 – in no particular order…

2007-02-20T12:31:00.000-05:00

“A highway with no one on it” (10 points) is still my most desired possession.

Nothing bought in a men’s room vending machine will

Make your wildest sex fantasies come true (as promised), or

Have enough “pleasure for her” studded on the outside to make her want to sleep with you

Along with number observation number 2, gas station bathroom are still some of the most disgusting places on the planet (and I’ve seen some pretty bad ones)

I’m not as into driving backed by the Dave Matthews Band as I was five years ago

For the Day Time: Elizabethtown Soundtrack, Passion Worship Live, Coldplay Live

For the Night Time: Sufjan Steven, Andrew Bird, Samples, and Derek Webb

I love night driving arm-in-arm with Jenna by my side.

An inverted sliver of crescent moon is breathtaking

Kids need to be fed dinner sooner than later. Later is bad.

After all these years, I still have to play the license plate game when I get into the car

America is full of confused people. I think we’ve lost our identity as a nation, polarized by the presidency and pop-culture celebrity.

I saw farmers supporting anyone but Bush. (As we entered the red state of Oklahoma, I saw a massive sign on the rotting sideboards of a barn that read: “I Vote with the Democrats.”)

I saw women with lady mullets talking over “high fashion” in Wal-Mart. Seriously, everyone wants to be a celebrity and be special. No one is content to be themselves.

Our landscape is beautiful. Even the flat plains of Indian and Illinois covered in snow where the horizon line is a faint shadow in the distance is pure and farm-touched beauty. Yet, in other places that same farmland is being developed so more people can live their American dream in a four-bedroom middle-class community. (Though from the looks of the surroundings, I’m not sure what these people do to actually afford said houses as there is no appearance of industry or corporations.

I still love America in spite of this schizophrenia. It’s a place full of beauty and people who really are good at their core – even if they aren’t sure who or what to support right now.

We need to do this more often.

ROAD TRIP!!!

2007-02-19T00:08:00.000-05:00

So tonight around 10:30, Jenna and I decided that we needed to get away. We're going on a road trip tomorrow... to Oklahoma. This is something that we used to do when we didn't have kids; you know take off for the weekend to Chicago or the Dominican Republic. We haven't done anything like this since Ellison was born. We both really need an adventure in the worst way. I've just come off of two weeks from work hell, which means Jenna has suffered much of the same at home. We are skipping town in search of quiet, and some good sites of St. Louis on the way. OK, so that may not be so quiet, but you know what I mean...

Better get to bed. I have an early, road filled day ahead of me!

::love this::

2007-02-18T14:18:00.000-05:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Beardless in Michigan

2007-02-18T07:12:00.000-05:00

Last night I went from bearded to beardless...
Along the way came some just stunning looks, let me tell you.

The Suave Scholar

The Youth Pastor (Why do they all think this is a good look?)

The Biker (ie. Handelbar Love)

The Cop (Donut andyone?)

The Hitler (Not even a good look on the man himself.)

The Child (Maybe I need some facial hair afterall...)

NO KIDS!!!

2007-02-17T13:08:00.000-05:00

Last night Jenna and I had the privilege of dining without children at Bistro Bella Vita, here in Grand Rapids. We only had appetizers and desert, but it was delicious! I'll let Jenna describe the food she is so much better at the descriptions than I am.

We went with new friends, so new in fact that I had never met the majority of them. However, we shared a wonderful evening together around good food, drink and conversation.

Thanks everyone for including us in your party and giving us a great night out. (Especially our chauffeurs - you have no idea how much you both mean to us.) You all rock!

New Sleeping Paterns...

2007-02-17T13:04:00.000-05:00

We get home last night and discover Liam's new sleeping habbit, the floor!

The Winter's Tale

2007-02-12T22:34:00.000-05:00

Mamillius "A sad tale is best for Winter: I have one of sprites and goblins.

Hermoin "Let's have that one good sir."

It's been ages since I've read Shakespeare. I picked up Winter's Tale the other night and remembered why I fell in love with his words so many years ago now.

My life (as Jenna can attest) was consumed by the theater at one time. I would spend dollar after dollar to see the latest plays and musicals and purchase new dramatic works. I would spend my time pouring over said dramatic works, reading them aloud, staging and directing them in my head. Always dreaming that one day I would play the role of Hamlet.

I can't remember the last time I read a play, much less saw one - I think it was Phantom of the Opera with Jenna before Liam was born - probably about 4 years ago now. I really miss them. The ephemeral moments of live theater is like nothing else on the planet. No show is the same though the words never change. Theater is truly poetry in motion.

Remembering now some of my favorites:::Check these out:::
Eugene Miller - Ile (found in Nine Plays of the Sea), The Iceman Cometh
Shakespeare - Merchant of Venice, Titus Andronicus, Hamlet (duh!), Midsummer Nights Dream
Tony Kushner - Angels in America:Millennium Approaches (I like it better than V2:Perestroika)
Daniel MacIvor - House Humans
Steve Martin - Picasso at the Lapin Angil (and other plays)
Yasmina Reza - Art
Neil Simon - Lost in Yonkers
Arthur Miller - Death of a Salesman, All My Sons, After the Fall
Harold Pinter - Betrayal
Jerome Lawrence and Robert Edwin Lee - Inherit the Wind

Musicals (just to name a few) ::RENT ::Godspell ::The Scarlet Pimpernel ::Les Miserables ::Porgy and Bess ::Stomp ::The Fantastics ::

creatives are cool....

2007-02-12T22:16:00.000-05:00

My favorite stock photo site (veer.com) publishes a blog (The Skinny). Sure, every so often you have to deal with shameless plugs, but most of the time the content is creative love from all over the interweb - blogs, designers, trends, merch, etc. One of today's posts featured student-designer Jim Whimpey from Australia and his Useless Account site. Pretty darn funny. I got to Jim's blog from the site... clicky clicky to meet a hip creative from down under...

bff.ttfn.lol.cul8r

2007-02-07T22:21:00.000-05:00

I forgot how much fun it is to speak to Junior Highers. I had a cool opportunity to speak to the junior high chapel at Ada Christian School. I was pretty much dreading it. Having been postponed from the first weeks of January because of snow, I was really hoping I would encounter the same fate today. However, now that it's done, I'm really glad I didn't get frozen out. I was surprised to feel a bit of sadness over not teaching anymore: the halls, the kids, the books, even the eighth graders snickering in the back of the room. At the very least, I remembered why I went into teaching in the first place and in turn why I ended up at Ada Bible Church. I know I don't belong in the classroom and LOVE my job at the church, but I'm glad that I had this opportunity to spend a half-hour with some really cool kids. I saw the great potential of those 150 some kids to help change the world. I know it sound so cheesy and sophomoric to even see the words type out before me. But in all honesty, that is why one decides to teach. In some of us there lies this idyllic notion that we have the power to affect change in the life of these kids and for them to do the same to the world around them. For some reason, I just can't get over that.

Rule One in Blogging....

2007-02-05T20:01:00.000-05:00

"Using passive voice must be avoided."

Sorry, I meant to say, "Please stop using the passive voice when you blog."

It's not fun to read and doesn't make you sound smart - I'm thinking annoying here but who's keeping track. But seriously, think about it. If a person wrote a book using only the passive voice, no one would buy this book. No one would read this book. In fact, no one would publish this book. One should follow the same rules when blogging as one would use when writing say a term paper or creative writing exercise. It is just more fun and interesting to read active sentences.

Use an active sentence with a good subject (like the person doing the action) and a verb (the action).

Such as:

Encore came running up the stairs.

NOT

Up the stairs came Encore running.

Thank you. Thus concludes Blenglish 101 (Like Spanglish but with blogs - Thank you for this new word, Jenna) for this evening.

Note... I'm sure that I have at times fallen prey to the passive voice, so I judge myself here as well. But it is time we made a pact to write better blogs... (Too Jerry McGuire there?)

snowy sunday afternoon

2007-02-04T13:34:00.000-05:00

too much inside time...

2007-02-04T12:39:00.000-05:00

Let's call these, STIRCRAZY!!!

An Actual Snow Day...

2007-02-03T22:22:00.000-05:00

I never thought that after leaving teaching 7 years ago that I would ever have another snow day... well, I was wrong! I got a phone call tonight. Church is canceled tomorrow. I have a snow day!

Is it bad that I'm REALLY happy about this?!

Snowed In Saturday...

2007-02-03T09:44:00.000-05:00

For all of those in warmer climates, we don't exactly hate you, but.... just to let you know as I write this and look out the window, I can't see across the street because of the snow coming down! OK, I maybe exaggerating, but not much.

Good thing we took a trip to the library to stock up on all the Wiggles and Kipper and kid's books we can possibly handle (plus some good books and movies for Mom and Dad too!).

recent sleeping patterns...

2007-02-03T00:27:00.000-05:00

The Pack-N-Play...with all of his earthly possessions.

"What will you do if you have to go to the bathroom?"
"Dad, there's a bench right there. I can just hop out."

Of course....

prayer...

2007-01-29T10:40:00.000-05:00

As part of the worship set last night, Jeff lead us in a couple of directed prayers. I really needed the first one on thankfulness as I seem to dwell with everything that is wrong in my life - pessimism on steroids.

"What are you thankful for right now? Thank God for his rich blessings."

I'm thankful for a nuclear family that despite it's seemingly chaotic moments (how can there always be no room to walk in Liam's room from toys covering EVERY INCH of the floor?!) loves each other deeply.

I'm thankful today for growing friendships with people who are owning us. It's always a risk to begin trusting people with your nonsense; but these two are making it really easy on us as we discover kindred spirits in life and ministry.

I'm thankful that our men's group has seemed to have been given a kick in the pants towards renewed community. (Thanks, David, Andy and Brian for living life with me. It's cool to live life with you. Here's to more cheep beer and good conversations!)

I thankful to work with my best friends who know me well and work around my neurotic tendencies. My team is AMAZING!!! They buckle down and get good good work accomplished even when up against deadlines and unexpected hurdles.

(photo: laughingbuddha (flickr) - prayer flags at Ladakh)

sunday night dinner

2007-01-29T10:35:00.000-05:00

growing up...

2007-01-24T09:35:00.000-05:00

times like this are supposed to be full of joy. last night i got several phone calls from a friend who's joyful news has become one of great confusion with many unknowns in plain view. he asked me, "what do i even pray for?" OK, so i was pretty much speechless, but then i thought about it. when all else is chaos, pray that the chaos is relieved in the peace of Jesus. the spirit gave me words. so the rest of the night that's what we prayed for - the peace of God that transcends all understanding.

i remember the first time i received a similar phone call from another friend. Jenna and i discussed the fact that this is a part of innocents lost and the realization of being full fledged grown-ups. stuff like this no longer happens to our parents and their friends. it happens to us and our friends. yeah, sometimes growing up really sucks.

recommendations:

2007-01-21T22:37:00.000-05:00

foundmagazine.com - The title says it all. It about one man and a community of finding stuff. It's random. It's funny. It is simple.

flock.com - Flock is a browser I've been using for the past few weeks. I enjoyed it at first, but wanted to make sure I really enjoyed it before recommending it. It is open source (much like FireFox) using the social aspect of having community buy-in to the extensions, etc. The three things I like best: an aggregator and flickr uploader embedded in the browser, a great de.lic.ious extension to keep bookmarks organized, and decent integration of old FireFox extensions making the transition easy. so, yes, I FLOCK.

veer.com - This is my favorite stock photo site. Not only are the fonts, photos and illustrations first rate (many are exclusive to the site), but check out the IDEAS tab on the home page for creative fun including blogs, community design, wallpapers (stellar), and cool merch. Plus, when you register, veer sends out some great print media including a Summer Activity book for creatives. fun stuff.

enjoy.

OH, why do we love you so....

2007-01-17T22:54:00.000-05:00

Season Six has begun. The Scott household is already hooked after only two nights of fun. Who will be crowned the next American Idol?! Wait and find out...

"...well, actually do that."

2007-01-14T21:33:00.000-05:00

"I must refuse to buy into the notion that because I have more money I must spend more money. I must at the very least consider that I have been given more money to give more money away, at the most, well actually to that."

Let It Snow...

2007-01-14T21:28:00.000-05:00

I finally got around to entering the Winter Reading Club at the library - 16 books between December 1 and March 31.... no problem, except there are required genres. Of course the library is great about making suggestions, but I thought I'd throw out some of the genres I'm having trouble filling and see what you all might recommend.

Men in Action
History or Historical Fiction
Winter Theme
Animal Stories

HELP!!!

3-O

2007-01-09T21:31:00.000-05:00

I'm going to take the next few moments to talk about myself. I turn 30 tomorrow, so please, humor me for a little bit.

I used to have this advertisement from Apple; they ran the add several years ago, I'm thinking around the first imac and PowerBook-clamshell years. Anyway, the copy on the advert read,

"I will __________________________ before I turn 30."

The line giving you room to write in your future history. I thought this was a clever ad campaign. I ripped it out of Rolling Stone; laminated it; and hung it up in my dorm room. I think I figuratively filled in that blank hundreds of times. Some of them were noble, "I will open a children's theater for inner city youth." Some were selfish, "I will make a name for myself on Broadway." Some were more grounded in reality, "I will become a really great theater teacher."

It's interesting (at least for me) to look back over the last 30 years and realize that I had no clue who I was or would be or even WANT to be for that matter. I thought I was this or that and tried to fit in with those groups. I think only in the last two have I actually be closer to who I really am. I have a ton to learn still, I'm not ignorant. But in this past year, I've really felt myself find my groove.

I really never thought I would ever work at a church and actually enjoy it. God had other plans, better plans than I could have ever thought up for myself. I'm thankful that by the time I turned 30, I found a loving church family and a job that keeps me on my toes. OK, so I haven't made a name for myself on Broadway (though I have sung on Broadway at the First Baptist Church at 79th and Broadway); I never got to be a theater teacher (I quit teaching after one year, even after they had promised me the theater department for the coming school year); I haven't even been to an inner city (though I have been to the developing world, which might make up for that). And you know what, I'm OK with that. I work with my best friends (literally - I work closely with two of the three guys in my men's group), and every day I'm challenged to be a better Jesus follower and cultivate the creative lifestyle necessary to complete the tasks before me.

Apple seemed to concentrate on the work aspect, but there are other dimensions to what we do with our lives before we turn 30. I've made some amazing friends who I can't live without. I've made memories that will last my lifetime. I've enjoyed the company of strangers and the solitude of the dessert. I wouldn't change a single thing in the days leading up to today. Through everything I've learned about a faithful God who loves me in spite of the crap I have a tendency to pull. I've gained a life-long partner in Jenna who loves me in spite of the crap I have a tendency to pull. I have three children who love me in---you get the idea. All of this makes me who I am today, and I think I like him most of the time.

All this to say, I really do love my life! And I think the first 30 years were pretty damn good, if I can say so myself. Here's to 30 more.

Some highlights in obviously no particular order:

Growing up in THE tri-state area filled with all sorts of fun and excitement.

Great family who loved me and raised me in faith spurring my work today with families in GR

Having the lead in most of my elementary plays (but I promise I wasn't pretentious.)

Too many girlfriends (Don't need to go there)

Getting Married to THE BEST ONE, Jenna!!!

A Marriage with ups and downs and coming out loving Jenna more and more every day

Liam - Ellison - Addison

Two Houses

Ada Bible Church

Trinity EFC (Here was where I grew up and saw great church community for the first time)

Depression (it's taught me more about myself than I could have ever learned without it)

Flying a plane

Learning Piano

Having a very musical upbringing (thanks mom and dad!)

12 Phish Shows (The Clifford Ball 1996, NYE 1998, Dayton Nutter Center Fall 1997, and Columbus OH Summer 1999 to name a few of the greats)

8 Dave Matthews shows (including LISTENER SUPPORTED - SEPTEMBER 11, 1999!!!!!)

Three Michael W. Smith Shows (At the time they were highlights - now they are rather embarrassing)

I've seen Bob Dylan and Paul Simon in concert together.

Seeing cool shows at the Lamb's Club theater in NYC

I got my master's degree last year. (It only took me 7 years to complete!!)

The Adventure Race

Great friends past and present (Hopefully, you know who you are as there are too many to name)

Great jobs - graphic design, creative director

England (three times)

Dominican Republic

Tanzania/Kenya

Jackson Hole, WY

Strafford Festival in Stratford, ON

Cape Cod, MA

Lots of great childhood vacations

High School summers at Camp Spofford

College road trips

Bonfires in the Windcrest Backyard with the boys (Heretics Anonymous)

Lots of learning from experience. (Sometimes it was horrible, but I who I am today because of it, and for that it is a highlight.)

I could go on and on, but I'm sure you are bored already. I won't keep you any longer.

Thanks for being a part of the first thirty years of my life.

little miss sunshine and a very long night

2007-01-08T12:41:00.000-05:00

Before I start this story, there are a few things you should know:

1. Jenna and I would sometime this year like to watch a movie uninterrupted. Actually going out to a movie theater to watch said movie would be bonus.

2. Liam feels like he must sleep with everything in his room piled on top of his bed with him in the middle. He also must sleep with the light on in his room - this cool lamp that does three settings, he needs the one where two light bulbs are lit. Oh, and the ceiling fan too. (Can anyone say, "High Maintenance?")

3. Once Liam finally gets to sleep for the night, he is the hardest sleeper in the world.

So, we had a night home. All of us including my brother-in-law Greg who lives with us. We decided to rent a movie, Little Miss Sunshine, as we've all been wanting to see it. We waited until 9 to start he movie thinking that the kids would be asleep and we would be able to watch the movie uninterrupted. We were even going to watch the film in the basement so as not to wake the children with laughter and a loud movie.

Five Minutes in.

"Daddy, I need to get cozy."

30 minutes in.

"Daddy, I can't find my mitten."
"Why do you need your mitten?"
"I need to sleep with my mitten, and it fell behind my bed."
"If I come help you with your mitten, I'll need to turn off one of your lights."
"OK"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I need my mitten."
"OK" (Think sarcastic and sing-songy here.)

So with one light on, he finally settled in for the night. We finished our movie, which by the way I really enjoyed. I'm a fan of the off-beat Fox Searchlight pictures. This movie didn't disappoint. There were some great conversations. Steve Carell (The Office) is a really good actor.

We went to bed. I had too much coffee (my fault) and finally fell asleep around 1:45 AM - at least that was the last time I looked at the clock.

Jenna nudges me at 3:15AM. It felt as if I had just gotten to sleep, when she said "Liam." Liam was crying and confused, which signals the I-Have-To-Pee-You-Better-Get-Me-To-the Bathroom-Before-I-Let-It-Fly-All-Over-The-Bed moment. So I'm up. I get him to the toilet in time for a minute and a half pee (where all of this come from). He's still crying, coughing, snot running down his nose. He's not going back to bed. I finally got him consoled with sleeping in his bed with him, not the most comfortable as there is a book, a Cabbage Patch Kid, and a truck under my back, but I'm also stuffed up and making horrific noises myself as I tried to sleep. I'm sure Jenna appreciated that she could get some peace and quiet in our bed. Oh, Liam also has ALL of the covers, and the ceiling fan is still on, along with the light.

5:30 AM. I'm up. FREEZING! Liam is up coming back from the bathroom ready to play. This was not going to happen.

"Get into bed."

I grabbed another blanket from my room and finally fell back asleep.

I am so tired. Right now it's only 4:30 in the afternoon. I think I could sleep until morning.

first sabbath in the new year.

2007-01-07T20:55:00.000-05:00

Not today. Tomorrow. Tomorrow (Monday) will be my first day off of the new year.

I realized while I was away over Christmas that I'm killing myself with the work that I do. It's good work, even great work, but it has a tendency to consume my brain. One of the goals I've set for this year (notice I didn't say New Year's Resolution - I have a tendency to break those so why make those) is to really work on creating a rhythm of rest. Honoring my Monday's as sacred to my family but also to my own sanity. I have to be pro-active. It's too easy to check my e-mail and feel like I NEED to write back as soon as possible or have my phone and take the calls that come in from church. I need to turn off the phone and save work e-mails for another day. My day must be for my family and me.

Tomorrow I plan on resting. Now it will be full of taking the kids to the dentist and you know the general chaos of living with three kids, but I will not be at work. I don't want to think about work or the many projects that could consume me. I want to think about the chaos and have fun with it, actually enjoy it. And I think that it might actually be possible.

Question.

2007-01-03T21:19:00.000-05:00

Am I allowed to listen to and actually enjoy country music?

A Hidden Wholeness...

2007-01-03T09:16:00.000-05:00

Finished How We Are Hungry last night, a collection of short stories by Dave Eggers. A few of these are just brilliant. I highly recommend.

I also started A Hidden Wholeness by Parker Palmer, a man who I heard interviewed on NPR's "Speaking of Faith." I'm not sure that I resonate with his writing style -- he uses quotation marks a lot and by "a lot" I mean "too frequently." But in the first three chapters, I've already come across some great thoughts on integrity. Including the following:

"Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life. Knowing this gives me hope that human wholeness -- mine, yours, ours -- need not be a Utopian dream, if we can use devastation as a seedbed for new life."

I think this is why I write about the crap that sometimes pervades my life. If you want to get to know me, I want you to get to know me not the exoskeleton that I slap on for those who could care less. I hope that through writing about the crap, some good will come from it. I know that it makes some people uncomfortable, but this is my life - and btw we all have manic episodes to some degree or another. It maybe your inability to stop spending money, a lack of willingness to confront the pain that you are actually feeling, or realizing that you are going to have to try church again one of these days. When we're willing to embrace them, talk about them within the context of safe community - or throw them out there for the community at large as the case may be - we can learn and grow and move on to a place of healing.

i am actually resting.

2006-12-29T11:51:00.000-05:00

I just finished a half-hour of playing the piano - randomly playing songs that came into my head. I'm still in what I wore to bed, and it's almost 11am here in Oklahoma. Last night I went to my all time favorite bookstore by myself to bask in the paper and the words (yes, I came home with 2 books). I realized yesterday that my head doesn't hurt and my back doesn't ache like it usually does every single day of my life. I'm guessing this is a good thing.

While I'm in the thick of it, I don't realize the toll that my work and ministry takes on my physical body. I didn't realize just how much I needed to get away. We don't often get the chance, but I need to remember how I feel right now. I need to find in the rhythm of my life to make time for this feeling in the everyday apart from just vacation.

PS. Last night I finished, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. If you enjoy writing as much as I do, pick it up and devour it. It will change the way you look at your life and the interactions that make up your day. Lamott is one of my favorite authors (Traveling Mercies, Plan B); I think this is why: writing is her life, and through that she has found her voice. In this book, she gives you tools to find yours. Enjoy.

The Hit Christmas Presents in the Scott Household

2006-12-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

We celebrated Christmas this morning because of travel and responsibilities at church.
Who could have guessed that the kids would receive so much joy from umbrellas?

Oh, and I love my supa-duppa fly new sunglasses...

anger management.

2006-12-22T20:33:00.000-05:00

This morning over espresso, a friend and I discussed anger. We talked about its ugliness and power to destroy the people we love. I am beginning to see that I might have some anger issues. I posted something to this idea on my Love Your Depression site. This morning was that conversation I talked about.

I took some things from this conversation:

my friend and I are more a like than I would have originally guessed. He kept referring to this as something "we're working on." This was encouraging because he has learned to control his anger fairly well.
anger is a secondary emotion to what is really going on (i.e. I'm angry because I'm not getting the respect, peace, et all that I deserve.) In order find the source of the anger at the given moment, I should begin asking myself, "What do I really want here that is making me this act this way?"
if on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is "exploding with rage," and I start the day at say and "8," there are only 2 points of grace that I'm willing to give another person before I might chew them out or freeze them out or keep it bottled up and give myself an ulcer. I need to really begin analyzing where I'm starting my day emotionally before encountering people.
"intense" could me "one who over-reacts"
the ramifications of anger are far reaching

I'm thankful for this guy's presence in my life to walk beside me and help where he can. It took guts to point this out to me, and I respect him even more than I did before. His vulnerable honesty this morning was refreshing. I felt privileged to sit with him and hear his story.

God is working on me, and I'll be honest that right now it seems really intense and sometimes just down right sucks. I feel him calling to me everyday, "Do you trust me?" Whether it is with my medications, my patience, my healing process, whatever, everything keeps pointing me to the fact that I can't live my life on my own. I need a Holy God watching out for me. I need good friends who walk with me through the fire. I can't live without my loving wife and kids who keep loving me. I'll keep journeying with all of them, and together we'll make it through the dark.

100!

2006-12-20T20:10:00.000-05:00

Every TV show in history always makes such a big deal about the 100th episode like it's some huge achievement. And, I guess with so much of TV being crap, if you make it to a 100th episode there is in fact something to celebrate.

According to my records this is my 100th post on this blog. This is actually a pretty decent achievement for me. I wasn't sure I would have time to write for all you fine people every day or so. It's amazing to me that I've made it this far. I continue to enjoy this, more and more every day actually. I've seen now that there really is such a thing as virtual community is that is quite real, which I know is a complete contradiction of terms. But that said, it is nonetheless true.

My wife has made some great friends through blog-land that she now hangs out with on a regular basis. We've both reconnected with friends from the past. It's been a cool journey. Now, yes, some of my post were HORRIBLE. I don't quite apologize for that as I was learning my voice so to speak. I decided I couldn't be gimmicky and shouldn't try too hard. I needed to be who I am without shame.

Here's to a hundred more. Thanks for reading my ramblings, commenting with your heart, and just being really cool to me.

it is 6:30 AM....

2006-12-20T06:36:00.000-05:00

why am I not sleeping????!!!!!

I woke up about a half-hour ago. I'm not sick - like my kids were sick - yet, but I do have a pit in my stomach. Sour. I don't want to be sick. I HATE being sick. I have so much to do before leaving town for Christmas; I can't get sick.

I'm blogging to get my mind off my stomach. I'm going to be sick aren't I? In the words of Swiper the Fox (Dora the Explorer),
"OH, MAAAAAN!"

Anyway, every so often in a relationship you have these incredible moments of connection, that really have nothing to do with sex (I know, SHOCKING!). Last night, when Jenna came home from PPD Group, we chatted for an hour or so. Status of the heart, how we're feeling lately, and discussing a bit of the last few months. Wow, I love her. I'm not always good at showing it as sometimes I put my selfish hat on, but last night was just a great reminder of our friendship that trusts each other to share our deepest desires for healing and renewal. It was good.

Now it is 6:45. I hear my kids. This is way too early to hear my kids. What's going on?!

day off.

2006-12-18T23:38:00.000-05:00

This cup of coffee preceded Liam getting sick all over the kitchen floor.
(I won't include a picture of that.)

beautiful day today in GR...

2006-12-16T17:04:00.000-05:00

Who would think today that she was up all night throwing up? and that we were up cleaning up after her?

But nonetheless, it was a warm day in GR. We even took a family walk down the bike path!

cube farm...

2006-12-14T19:50:00.000-05:00

A good friend at work is leaving for a new ministry down in Louisville, KY. Because of the cube farm at the office he had purchased a toy "cube." He gets a new office at his new church, and bequeathed the cube to me. I will miss Bill a lot, but I'm glad I can remember him with Cube Boy. Here's cube boy with Buddy Jesus, the new kitsch sculpture on my desk.

Learning Faith...

2006-12-13T10:29:00.000-05:00

I think the worst part about learning faith is learning faith; it means that you actually need to practice having faith in circumstances that require it. Never pray to grow in your faith if you want an easy life. The life of faith is not easy. It's a daily struggle of placing trust in that which can't be seen and in outcomes yet to be accomplished. And sometimes, it down right sucks. But here's the thing. As you learn and grow in the life of faith, there comes this moment when you realize that it is worth it, when the stars align and you understand that God does care for you, is watching out for you, and continues counting the hairs on your head even as they turn gray or fall out from all the stress you are facing. It's then that you know that someone cares, and the skies turn blue again no matter what the weather is outside.

rest

2006-12-09T19:57:00.000-05:00

It's over. The church's big family Christmas event of the year is done. Now I hope to catch up on some rest. My team has been going strong since September planning for this event, and they pulled it off with success. While I didn't get to spend much time with my family while I was buzzing around working, they had time to decorate some cookies, hear a good story, and make some votive luminaries...

I'm so thankful that my events are finished for the season. I hopefully can really enjoy the holiday.

Now, if I could just turn off my brain and rest.

absolved of work guilt...

2006-12-04T14:44:00.000-05:00

i felt so torn between feeling like i needed to work with a huge event coming up on Saturday and needing rest as i think i worked everyday leading up to Sunday. jenna told me to absolve myself of work guilt since no one was at the office, i haven't received one work e-mail, and i worked all day yesterday. i decided to listen to my wife, plus she is often the voice of reason to my madness. so...

with a little help from christmas lights, lake-effect snow falling outside, starbucks, kids ALL napping at the same time, and my current read (Atlas Shrugged), i'm settling down for some (much needed) rest.

just breathe

2006-12-02T20:30:00.000-05:00

he'd been crying in that i-can't-catch-my-breath sort of way. it had been a no-nap day, a whiny night, and what we thought would be an early to bed time.

he wanted another book, another story, to brush his teeth again, to have one more round of evening prayers. sure nothing bad, and in fact actually good. but it was time for bed.

the last thing i wanted to do was go in there. the crying... oh, the crying from the king of drama (he has even out-throned me). i was getting more frustrated by the second, and i knew that if i would go in there i could possibly blow my stack. but i had to go in there, my son needed comfort.

*just breathe*

20 minutes later i found myself with my arm around him curled into my side. fast asleep. i was left with what i would consider a holy moment.

i wonder if God says to himself, "just breathe," before wrapping his arms around our rebellious spirit or our manic life. it might help me to understand him better if he did. at least i would know that fatherhood is as hard as i think it is. so weird, why do i want him to be frustrated with me? sure, i want him to love me unconditionally, full of mercy and compassion and grace. but there is something more touchable about the God who just sometimes gets ticked off at me, yet comes into my room to lay down with me anyway and in his frustration ultimately understanding that it's been a long day and i just needed a hug.

"the most wonderful time of the year"

2006-12-01T21:17:00.000-05:00

I LOVE CHRISTMAS MUSIC! Seriously, can't get enough of it during the season. I'm not one of those people who listens to it all year long, but it has it's place and should be thoroughly during that place. I've been finally getting around to putting my Christmas music back in my itunes, hence this post.

This year includes some great additions to Christmas music libraries everywhere.

1. Sufjan Stevens released a five disk boxed set of all his Christmas music. You must buy this set, if not for just the art work and packaging alone. A few highlights that I've heard so far:
"Come Thou Fount" - Yes, I know not a Christmas tune. But it's so beautiful. When he gets to the "prone to wander" part, I just want to cry.
The obscure carols - Sufjan does great versions of "Bring A Torch, Janette Isabella"; "Lo, How a Rose 'er Blooming"; and "I Saw Three Ships"
"O Come, O Come Emmanuel" - He does two versions, an instrumental and a vocal. Both are pretty brilliant.

2. Sarah McLachlan - Wintersong
I know that not all of you are Sarah fans. But I think she's great, have everything she's done, seen her live twice, yadda yadda yadda... I haven't gotten this disk yet, and it's killing me.
The only track I've heard is John Lennon's "Happy Christmas (War is Over) live at the Rockefeller Tree Lighting. Obviously this song resonates more than in past years at a time when it seems that the whole world is at war of some kind. It was a great version. I look forward to hearing the studio version.

3. James Taylor - James Taylor at Christmas
Another disk that I'm just itching to buy. I'm a HUGE JT fan - even have him on vinyl thanks to my beautiful wife and her keen garage sale eye. I have a version of him doing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" that was included on the bonus disk of October Road. But I need to get this one in my Christmas collection soon.

Then of course there are my old favorites that I return to year after year....

1. I'm a bit ashamed to say, that I love Amy Grant Christmas albums. (At least it's not Sandi Patti and The Gift Goes On, right?!) I have all three of them. There is something nostalgic about Amy for me. Hers was the first Christmas album I got on cassette back in elementary school. I can listen to "Tennessee Christmas" over and over. Not to mention, "Breath of Heaven," "Emmanuel, God with Us," and "'Til the Season Comes Around Again." I've seen her Christmas show twice, and I'd love to see it again.

2. Michael W. Smith Christmas. The first one. The second one is found lacking. The first one shows that he is a composer before a Christian pop star. "All is Well" and "No Eye Had Seen" are two of my all time favorite Christmas tracks.

3. Vince Guaraldi Trio A Charlie Brown Christmas. No need to comment.

4. Harry Connick Jr. When My Heart Finds Christmas. "I Pray on Christmas." 'nuff said.

5. Frank Sinatra Sinatra Christmas Album. Christmas just isn't the same without a little Sinatra.

Happy Christmas, everyone... enjoy the music of the season.

computer skills...

2006-11-30T19:46:00.000-05:00

"When did he start using the computer?"

"I don't know. He's using the computer?"

"Yeah, he's playing an Elmo game on the Internet."

"By himself?"

"Yes. By. Himself."

"He's 3!"

"Evil genius."

Sæglópur

2006-11-30T11:35:00.000-05:00

Listen.

I heard this song while at the library writing about my second appointment with my therapist.

The song moves with such quiet and unassuming grace than at minute 2:50 crescendos into brilliance.

I mean it. Stop everything you are doing and listen to this song!

Thanksgiving 2006

2006-11-29T22:22:00.000-05:00

FOOD

FAMILY

FATIGUE...

What more could you ask for?

happy thanksgiving... a bit early...

2006-11-19T22:34:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow we head out for a week in New Jersey. I'm leaving the laptop at home and plan on checking e-mail rather infrequently (my parents still have dial-up!) So, I'll be off the radar a bit. I'm bring my Moleskine along as well as a gig of memory for each of the cameras. Plan on some good stories and photos when I return. I promise Thanksgiving with my family will not disappoint.

I have seen so much of God's faithfulness to my family in the past year. We welcomed Addison into our family, which was the biggest moment and joy of the year. Liam started pre-school and has not ceased to amazed us with all that he is learning. Ellison has come into her own - deep down sweet, but don't you dare take a toy away from her or you'll have hell to pay! Jenna and I have been up and down the emotional roller coaster. I am thankful that we are on an upswing with great conversations and life to be lived and a renewed hope to live it well.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. See you next week.

Today I learned...

2006-11-18T13:13:00.000-05:00

1. 2x4x16s and windshields do not make good friends.
2. Lumber yards - all three of the ones we used - close at noon.

IT'S DONE!!!

2006-11-18T09:45:00.000-05:00

OK, we're so close... we still have to replace the siding on the house, but other than that... IT'S DONE!!!

dan scott.

2006-11-17T13:58:00.000-05:00

After reading an article on dooce about how Heather's ultra-conservative, Mormon mother found her blog and went crazy over the content, I decided to Google my name. Guess what I found: a Wikipedia article on myself... well - You can read for yourself:

Dan Scott is a fictional character on the television show One Tree Hill. He is the father of Lucas Scott (by Karen Roe) and Nathan Scott (by Deb Scott). He owned a car dealership in seasons 1 & 2. In season 3, he was elected Mayor of Tree Hill. He is hated (and sometimes feared) by most of the characters on the show because of his arrogant personality. He was once a basketball player, but, due to injury, he gave up the sport. He chose to continue his basketball "career" through Nathan. Dan likes to control the other characters, mainly Deb, Nathan, Lucas, Keith, and Karen. Dan has at one point or another almost destroyed the lives of almost every character on the show. He hired a woman to fall in love with his brother then dump him at the altar as revenge for Keith sleeping with Deb. Dan was also committing fraud at his car dealership and when Deb threatened to turn him in he surprised her by telling her the business also had her name on it and that they would both go down. Dan also threatened to have Karen's boyfriend Andy deported back to New Zealand. Lucas and Nathan have taken the brunt of his rage. Dan's pressure to be perfect in basketball caused Nathan to turn to drugs to which he collapsed on the court during a game. He also strongly despises Nathan's wife Haley. Dan's other son Lucas who inherited Dan's heart condition moved in with him in hopes that Dan would leave Keith alone and so Lucas could get his medication. In the third season, Dan killed his own brother, Keith, thinking that he tried to kill him. In the season 3 finale, Deb confessed that she was the one who tried to kill him, not Keith. At the end of the episode, we learned that someone knows that Dan killed Keith, but the only question is who?

DUN DUN DUN.... You just can never guess what you'll find out there. I love the Internet!

too much to do anything well...

2006-11-15T09:16:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like just have got too much going on to do any one thing well? That's how I feel as of late. I feel like I can do everything, just "OK." But I know that I'm missing things, stuff is falling through the cracks. Events at church need to planned in last minute range because there is something every week that needs to happen. I just feel really overwhelmed right now. We leave on Monday for a week in New Jersey with my family. I've got a list a mile long that needs to be finished before leaving. I just hope that the trip away will be restful, though I know it will be just a different type of busy. One can still hope though.

be my witnesses...

2006-11-13T22:02:00.000-05:00

Genesis 22:15-18

The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."

1 Kings 8:60

So that all the peoples of the earth may know that the LORD is God and that there is no other.

Acts 1:8

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

Acts 2:7-11

They were completely amazed. “How can this be?” they exclaimed. “These people are all from Galilee, and yet we hear them speaking in our own native languages! Here we are—Parthians, Medes, Elamites, people from Mesopotamia, Judea, Cappadocia, Pontus, the province of Asia, Phrygia, Pamphylia, Egypt, and the areas of Libya around Cyrene, visitors from Rome (both Jews and converts to Judaism), Cretans, and Arabs. And we all hear these people speaking in our own languages about the wonderful things God has done!”

This past Sunday Jeff spoke about the ups and downs of the Northern Kingdom of Israel. He referenced I Kings 8:60 (listed above). This got me thinking about the story of God and how all he really wants is people to spread his image and bring him glory throughout his creation. It starts in Genesis with the creation mandate of filling the earth and cultivating it well and continues through the mandate he gives his first followers as they start the church (Acts 1:8, Great Commission to the ends of the earth – BTW the largest growing Christian missions organizations in the US are those sent to us from other countries).

How well are we doing this? Are we giving God the glory he deserves on earth, or are we squandering our blessings on ourselves? Unfortunately is seems that the latter is more often the case.

In Acts 2, the Holy Spirit allows the early followers of Jesus a miraculous way of communicating His love with other cultures. In 2006, we have all sorts of technology available to us to do this, not to mention the English language which is pretty much spoken in any developing country to a certain degree. We have more wealth within the church than ever before. What are we doing with this to spread his fame to the earth?

In many pockets, I see so much good. Those will AIDS receive care, those starving are being fed, and those living in darkness are coming into the light. I just want to hear more of these stories.

But at the same time, I know I fall under conviction. I let my cynicism get the better of me. I just complain. I hope I’m not adding to the defamation of Jesus, but I might be. Thank you, Jeff Manion for good kick in the butt.

Benfits of Working at a Church at Christmas Time...

2006-11-13T13:46:00.000-05:00

Free Jesus-Junk further proving that Jesus, a middle-eastern Jew
was indeed white...

Mary wasn't too freaked out by the angel that told her she'd give birth to God,

and she had the easiest birth EVER...

Silly Christians making crap in China to sell to unsuspecting Americans who just can never have enough of anything, even if it was made in poor conditions by people who make $1.25/month profiting Americans by selling these at $6.95 a piece.

Creative Development 101

2006-11-13T10:34:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, Liam and I were putting puzzles together.

Liam loves puzzles. From what his teachers say, he does these constantly at school whenever he's allowed. This got me thinking about the Howard Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligence. Liam's teachers suggest to us that he learns well in the Visual/Spatial realm, hence the puzzle thing. Creativity and how we are creative is based in how well we work both within and without our dominant intelligence. I decided that the puzzle might be a perfect way to enhance my spacial intelligence. I flipped over the pieces and mixed them up. I was left to complete the puzzle using only the shapes of the pieces.
Now, granted this was a puzzle for 3 year olds, but I think I would like to try this will a puzzle for 10 year olds. Putting the puzzle together in a different way than originally intended helps train the brain for spatial problem solving: fitting elements on a page or on a shelf, packing a car for a road trip, or fitting the groceries into the fridge. Spacial intelligence is crucial to daily life whether you are a designer or a UPS truck driver, a teacher or mother of three. Try it out...

ordinary life.

2006-11-09T22:42:00.000-05:00

With my personality, I have a tendency to feel far from God because my interactions with him never seem grandiose or flamboyant. Mine are more earthy and mundane: A new deck, a good cup of coffee and great conversation, a drive through the fall colors, or a beautiful song written from real life. My encounters with God would make poor Hollywood screenplays. I used to expect them to be such. After all, God is a big God, and surely he can interact in an intense action-hero way. With me, I’ve now come to anticipate the opposite. For it’s in my earthly life that I experience a real God who really loves me; after all I am created for earth.

Tonight a TV show featured a still-birth; I paused to thank God for new life and my children.

It felt like I heard an old favorite song for the first time while studying this afternoon; and I encountered a sacred moment of nostalgia mixed together with a new outlook on life.

A good friend wrote a hilarious script for an upcoming event. I was thankful that God has blessed me with a writing team to make my job a little bit easier.

If we’re always looking for God in the yelling, we’ll miss him in the whispering. I think he wants us to listen closely. If we listen closely, I think we’ll notice a whole lot more of him than normal. He is present everywhere. His hand is constantly creating and interweaving moments that will grow and change us if our eyes are open to them.

After you read this, I encourage you to look around you. What is it that is making you who you are and will become? Blogs, conversations, books, TV? Nature walks, fall colors, a cinnamon donut and apple cider? Write about them. Reflect on them. Notice God in them. And thank God for caring so specifically for you to fill your days with such great things.

the flood...

2006-11-09T21:29:00.000-05:00

I've got to be honest. I'm a flood skeptic. Not that it didn't happen, but that really was it global. Really did the boat house EVERY animal 2/2, etc., etc., etc.? However, that may have changed since reading The Preservationist by David Maine.

What gets me about the biblical account is the lack of realism between the lines. It seems like everyone got along. There's no drama. Noah built an ark. People were skeptical and mocked him. The animals came. The rains came. The mockers died along with the rest of humanity. No sorrow. No emotion. Just the story.

Maine breathes life between the lines of the biblical narrative of the flood. He deals with the sons and their wives, what was possibly going through their heads. He asks dangerous questions about why God would do such a thing, and how to deal with being chosen to live. He presents a really decent reason for how all the animals could have gotten on the ark. And is really honest about life on the ark. He really makes me want to believe in the flood again.

Regardless of what you think about the flood... READ THIS BOOK.

Birthday Girl!!!

2006-11-08T19:25:00.000-05:00

Ellison turned 2 today. It's hard to believe that the time has passed. Honestly, it's been a hell of a couple years with many ups and downs. But a few things remain constant including one beautiful, sweet little girl who has the never ending power to melt our hearts with her smile and impeccable manners. Here's the birthday girl in her PJs from Grandma Ellie and new Build-A-Bear "Froggy-Woggy." Much love, Elli-JJ...

For all of you NPR fans out there....

2006-11-08T11:05:00.000-05:00

I just found the free podcast of This American Life on itunes. This is one of the best produced shows out there. The latest installment is show #320: What's in a Number? It gives some really interesting stats on the civilian casualties in the current Iraqi war. Fascinating. Check it out...

and if anyone was wondering....

2006-11-07T20:50:00.000-05:00

This is how they will hang Saddam...

But I have to ask, who still hangs people? We do live in the 21st century right? Just wondering....

posting....

2006-11-07T18:41:00.000-05:00

seriously. i want to post. i want to have a blog worth reading. sorry i've been out of commission these past few days. it's been one of those months between family events at home and church, baby dedication, finishing up the deck (photos to come one of these days...) November and December are looking to be quite filled with life, most of which I look forward to. a real post to come soon... i promise.

saturday night live....

2006-10-28T21:21:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the Saturday night at the Scott household.... Jenna found a local farm east of church that sells pumpkins. It's all honor system as far as paying. But they had great prices and tons of great pumpkins, squash and all sorts of fall festivities...

Elli found one just her size...

Liam tried to pick the largest one...

Addison fell asleep...

For the carving...
Ellison needed an airplane on hers.
Liam wanted a smiley face.

Greg and Jenna grabbed knives...

I grabbed a power tool...

Jenna's beautiful 'J'...

and PI

Greg's hard to see Starbuck's cup...

My craziness....

Can I Just Say.....

2006-10-28T11:58:00.000-04:00

I LOVE USING POWER TOOLS!!!!

church?

2006-10-27T10:04:00.000-04:00

On Tuesday night, I taught at DV:FX, a family event created to reinforce what kids are learning in their children's program on Sunday mornings. The topic of discussion: INDIVIDUALITY - "discovering who you are meant to be so you can make a difference." I used the I Corinthians 12 passage on spiritual gifts and the Body of Christ as my main text. We had a ton of fun, and the kids/parents seemed to really grasp the imagery of the body with reference to the church.

This morning, I had my weekly meeting with my boss. We evaluated the event. He was pleased. He made a really interesting comment. He said that for being his most post-modern employee, I really made very modern statements about the church. He said that I defined church more in terms of what happens at a Sunday AM gathering as opposed to what might happen at an informal gathering of believers. I defended my verbiage sighting that I needed to make a concrete image for the kids, and I wasn't sure if they would have understood the more abstract concepts of "church" or "body" outside of the Sunday gathering.

However, when I really began to think about it. I was stumped. Because I hadn't really thought of church outside the gathering. I was unsure of how I even define church anymore except for what's already in my schemata and just comes out naturally.

If church or ecclecia is where 2 or 3 are gathered in the name of Jesus and where his spirit is present, than church could be a small group dedicated to growing in Christ's likeness. If church is where the sacraments or ordinances are practiced (Eucharist or baptism), then the small group/house church is only such when those are happening. Is church the church outside of the worship gathering? I'm not church by myself. But am I still body of Christ? Do I only act as the body of Christ if I'm his hand or foot outside of a gathering of believers?

I have a new quest. I need to nail this down. What exactly is church? Who is church? When does a gathering of believers exist as church? Does it matter? Is it only necessary to act as the body of Christ in the world regardless of how that is defined? Is it the mission of the gathering that matters? So many questions....

the cross....

2006-10-25T14:55:00.000-04:00

A few years ago after taking Early Church History and Theology, I began really disliking the symbol of the cross. Knowing that Constantine used the cross symbolism in his quest for world domination really bothered me. We have a Christian flag with the cross on it. Even magnetic ribbons that get put on cars have a cross cut out telling me to pray for the troops like somehow the cross is the magic talisman to bring our troops home or God will bless us more than he will the other side. I really have a hard time putting the cross with anything that seems so nationalistic.

In all honesty, in hindsight, I think I've thrown the baby out with the bath water. I still cringe at any cross or any religious icon for that matter. All of these have lost all meaning in my eyes. But I just finished a book and am reading another that are beginning to change my opinion.

John Stott collected a few of his sermons and published them in "Why I Am a Christian?"

John Stott is one of the great evangelical thinkers of our time. I also have to respect the guy because he Biblically affirms the escatological position of annihilationism. Click on the link for further ideas about the position. I don't want this to be about hell or not hell, it's about the cross.

John Stott writes this: "In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it?...The Crucified one is the God for me! He laid aside his immunity to pain. He entered our world of flesh and blood, tears and death. He suffered for us, dying in our place in order that we might be forgiven. Our sufferings become more manageable in the light of his. There is still a question mark against human suffering, but over it we boldly stamp another mark, the cross, which symbolized divine suffering."

In light of this and other such statements throughout the book, the cross makes sense. It's not a symbol of military victory. It's a symbol of shame. It is the symbol which unpacks the life of one willing to give up everything to make real life possible. That's a symbol that makes sense to me. It's the opposite of everything you would normally expect of a savior, but it's just like Jesus to turn life upside down on its head and save us somewhat unconventionally.

Brennon Manning calls this The Signature of Jesus. "Jesus said, blessed are you if you love to be unknown and regarded as nothing." Through the cross, we are given glory because Jesus thought nothing of himself to die the humiliating death that he did. It's amazing when you really are able to think about it. Wrapped in the cross is every sin we will ever commit, every moment we lived life less than human. Jesus remedies it all. The cross becomes a symbol not for shame but for life, life abundant and free.

I've started listening to the songs in my library with cross in them...
"Jesus was a Crossmaker" - the hollies - from Elizabethtown SndTrk
"Mighty is the Power of the Cross" - Chris Tomlin - Arriving
"The Wonderful Cross" - Chris Tomlin - The Noise We Make
"Lay Down Your Cross" - Elbow - Cast of Thousands

and so it begins....

2006-10-25T14:29:00.000-04:00

We woke up this morning to this. I've been dreading this since the first leaf fell, but it was inevitable. The raking season has begun.

Horror Film?

2006-10-25T13:47:00.000-04:00

What happened at the Scott house?

Are they drinking blood again?

No? Are you sure???

It's just Elli thinking she made Strawberry milk... all over the kitchen.... YEAH!!!!!

all i want for christmas...

2006-10-21T20:18:00.001-04:00

if only...

2006-10-21T19:58:00.000-04:00

If only every moment was a blissful as this...

They actually decided on their own to hold hands if you can believe it...

yeah, i know, they're cute, and even when their not acting cute, they're cute.

graduate study parenting...

2006-10-19T11:27:00.000-04:00

This morning Jenna and I had to take Liam to the dentist again. One of his other teeth was affected by his fall a few weeks ago. It turned brown. It needed to come out.

Jenna and I were talking outside the examining room as Liam was getting his dose of Novocaine from the largest needle EVER. This is the worst part of parenting: knowing that you are bringing your child into a place where he will feel pain. It is the worst. The worst. He whimpers as the needle punctures; we were told this is the worst part. Jenna and I know that this is best for him. The tooth has to go, or it will cause more trouble down the road. But knowing that Liam will feel pain and discomfort a few days just kills us.

He knew even as we were driving to the dentist what would happen when he got there. Liam however is one of the bravest people I know. He sat there and took it like a man. Plus he got to pick three toys out of the box for his bravery; that's always a plus. I was amazed at how quickly the tooth came out. The dentist is a saint (except for making us wait for an hour and a half in the waiting room.) She was so encouraging to Liam.

It is almost too obvious where this takes my mind, if I liken God to a Father. I won't expound on that except to say this. God loves me and seeks the best for me even when it seems like the opposite. I am loved.

Jenna snapped the picture on our way home. The whole morning must have taken a ton out of Liam. He fell asleep in his car seat. Look at that sticker! You can't see it in the picture, but his left hand is clutching a yo-you, his right hand holds a race car.

la‧ment /ləˈmɛnt/ [luh-ment]

2006-10-18T19:40:00.000-04:00

We’re still here.
After too many seasons, we’re still here.

Are we better?
Worse?
The same?
Why can’t I tell most of the time?

Living our life together in a fog is getting pretty old.

If…

the cross is truly powerful,
we’re supposed to be made whole in You,
healing is a breath away,

Than…..

when will we reach the other side?
how will we even know we’re there?
will You do something soon?

Because I’m not so hip to the normal we’ve become.
I was happy with the normal we were.

Today was rough. Tired rough. We've had them before; we'll have them again. Hopefully, we won't have too many of them, but days like this come every so often. The hardest thing is not being able to predict the shadowlands. We just find ourselves there with no explaination. Tonight at the dinner table each of us confessed our funk to each other. What is so crazy is that everything is going pretty well. Jenna got a huge complement last night by being asked to speak at a fund raising luncheon for Grand Rapids Post-Partum Depression Support Groups. Her group is so good for her and vice verse; I'm thrilled she enjoys it week after week. It truly gives her life, and from what I can tell she is able to give life back to them. Life is good for me too. My body and mind just don't want to believe me. Today was just today. And Lost is on tonight, and we get to find out what's been happening on the other side of the Island. Tomorrow will be a new day. I pray for strength to make it through.

horrified.

2006-10-17T21:42:00.000-04:00

so this came in the mail two days ago. one guess what magazine this is from?

you guessed it!!

a kind gentleman in our church took it upon himself to purchase subscriptions to "Answers" Magazine for each member of the staff. creationism is this "thing" if you will. he's not a scientist nor a minister for that matter. just a creation junkie who read everything from the creation view point.... have you ever read "Answers" magazine?! it's like lobbyists on crack. every Scientific discovery no matter how much is might support Darwinian theory is spun to either a/ prove creation or b/make actual scientists look like idiots. Bad science is bad science even if the "scientists" are Christians. Bad writing and bad design are also available too... but don't get me started.

I am a creationist in that I believe in Creator God. I believe that Genesis 1 and 2 are beautiful poetry written not for proving God as God is assumed by both the author and his audience. It's not science and never will be science. It's the story of God. A wonderful story of God interacting with his creation. Please don't read more into the passages than the author intends. Just stand in awe of God who would call us into existence... don't get hung up on the means by which he might have done that.

On a side note, I was glad to see that my Alma Mater is getting it's face out there on the back cover....

pumpkins....

2006-10-16T22:56:00.000-04:00

i love the fall...

i need a cigarette....

2006-10-16T22:09:00.000-04:00

Just finished watching Thank You for Smoking. Watch it. You'll want a cigarette too...

to game or to read that is the question....

2006-10-15T21:12:00.000-04:00

so on my last book post, b "recommended" that i play more video games. and i have to say after seeing nate's Nintendo DS, the temptation is greater... but taking books out of the library is a ton cheaper, so reading it is, which leads me to the book i just finished a couple of nights ago:

n. pl. stig·ma·ta (stg-mät, -mt, stgm-) - Definition 5. Bodily marks, sores, or sensations of pain corresponding in location to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus, usually occurring during states of religious ecstasy or hysteria.

St. Francis of Assisi was one of the first known stigmatists. Click here for the Wikipedia article on the subject.

Anyway... the story is a bit bazzar as stories go. But Ariel Gore is a decent writer who fully understands Catholicism (her father is an excommunicated RC priest) and knows the cultural biases towards all things religious. The main character can produce the marks of Stigmata and helps form the "Traveling Death and Resurrection Show" with a band of misfits and drama queens. This is the tale of what happens with misplaced dreams and unwanted celebrity. I'm not sure I actually recommend this book, but I did enjoy it.

In this somewhat endearing tale, she allows her main character the freedom to ask questions and say statements we'd all like to ask or say but haven't the guts.

Ideas such as:
"How come you never have to feel guilty, God?"

"Anytime you want to let me know God, let me know."

"When I was a kid, they taught me about evil and sin and all that -- about meanness -- but they taught me it could be exorcised, driven out. I belived that. But it turns out people are really shitty. You're left with this impossible choice: you can trust no one, tell your stories to no one, become a hermit or a lone traveler or something. Or you can just expect betrayal. You can swallow hard and expect betrayal. The worst part is that it's in me, too -- the meanness. I get to hear my own justifications whispering under my breath, but that doesn't change anything."

"If you've abdicated our right to create your own life story, vow to take it back. If you're ruled by your possessions, give them away. By a toxic lover, diplomatically take your leave. By addictions, wean yourself with compassion, and if that doesn't work, go find a quiet shelter on a mountaintop, far from liquor stores and dealers. Welcome angels as your breathe through your parade of deamons."

"Of course I become tired. Home is a place you become tired of, but it is also a place that holds you. You can leave it if you like. Your family will miss you, but they will allow you to go without protest. They know, as you know, that you will return one day, and when you do, you will not be a stranger. This is the beauty of home."

"It is strange to realize that that's what I've been after all these years -- some kind of pure symbolic communication, like the images in a child's mind, uncluttered by the rules of semantics and polite society. If language was meaningless without a shared context, there had to be another way to connect. An exchange that could bypass the maze of rational interpretation."

"...blessed are the peacemakers, and the tree-sitters, and the cross-dressers, and the beggars, and the loafers, and the gamblers, and the musicians, and the circus performers, and the mother, and the children, and the teachers, and the artists, and the workers, and the seekers, and the wanderers -- for we shall all be called the children of God. Embrace the mystery!"

This Morning...

2006-10-12T08:40:00.000-04:00

Liam came running into our bedroom yelling, "It's snowing! It's snowing! It's time for Christmas." Oh, how we wish that were true, but alas it is October 12. Will we EVER get this deck finished?!

a real one...

2006-10-11T21:29:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now though I don't know exactly how to begin. and in all honesty I'm not even sure where it will end.

At church we just finished week five of a 15 week long series on the The Story: Journey through the Old Testament. So far, we've covered creation and the big human screw up through the giving of the Law and God's working out his plan for the redemption of humanity. Basically, the story of Grace.

But here's the thing. I'm having a hard time with stories spun by a national leader (Moses) trying to record an oral tradition. Sure, Moses doesn't paint a glorious picture; he includes murder and betrayal, sex and scandal. He knows good storytelling when he sees it. In Hebrew these stories are just that stories with fun word play making the stories even more interesting. In English though, I can't help but see through the spin and wonder if we put too much weight on the factual truth of these stories. Does it matter? Who is hurt if we just see these as oral tradition of a people's interaction with God? Are we as Jesus followers hurt?

The answer I should give as a graduate of a conservative reformed seminary is "Yes, of course we are hurt. What is the integrity of the bible then? How can you even begin to try and know Jesus?" I'm left unsatisfied by the answer I would have to give.

As a believer in God, I feel compelled to believe that an important way of discovery who God is through the Bible - an account of how he interacted with humanity and is working out rescue. I don't not believe the Bible. but I feel that it is somehow incomplete. That it is not the entire story of God. it's just the Hebrew and Christian story of God. Can I be fired for saying that?

After all, Jews, Christians and Muslims claim God as their God. Salvation in worked out through either the Law of Moses, the Law of Jesus or the Law of Mohammad. But God is God is God.

Buddhist and Hindu's subscribe to an ultimate deity if I'm not mistaken, as did the Native Americans. Though salvation is worked out in ways that fit their region of the world in ways that I can't really say I understand.

I guess what I'm saying or asking is are other written and oral traditions of faith allowed to inform a Christian view of God without causing God to want to shoot an arrow of lightening into the said Christian's head?

All that said, I love the story of God. I love that the Spirit of God allows us to know himself personally. I love that in the Christian tradition is ultimately a manifestation of God himself that works out that redemption and offers grace and mercy. That is a God I want to serve and a Giver of Salvation that I want to follow. And there is no question in my mind that Jesus offers the best way (taught in the Sermon on the Mount) for us to live out that faith. But there is so much truth in the world. Why must we say it is heresy just because of its source? Theology is human constructed anyway, and much of the theology we hold is in place because of political councils 2000 years ago.

That's what is on my mind. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

extremely loud and incredibly close....

2006-10-11T08:28:00.000-04:00

i finished a book on Sunday night.

Foer also wrote everything is illuminated. A book which is as trippy as they come (the movie does the plot line better good than the book). but this post isn't about illuminated.

extremely loud is about finding yourself and your family in the midst of unimaginable tragedy. this is a book about having a past and not knowing what in the world to do with your future but knowing that you need to move on at all cost. i think it's made it's way onto my list of favorites. you should read it.

In many ways this book is about knowing that the unexpected events in life bring out the journeyman in ourselves. We seek to understand the chaos that surrounds. We in the end hopefully find peace even if we are no closer to understanding than when we first begun.

read this book.

recreational campfire...

2006-10-09T21:32:00.000-04:00

i don't know how it happened.... but here's a shot i took with my mother-in-law's new camera. fire is so cool.

uninspired...

2006-10-08T20:41:00.000-04:00

sorry for my lack of real posts lately. i've been having a severe lack of inspiration. not sure why. life is busy, i guess. but that is one terrible excuse. i'm reading good books. i listening to great music. i'm having good conversations.

actually, i've had some really good conversation about how i can become a better person. my selfishness can get the better of me - i know i'm not alone - but it does. in the past week, two people have stepped up to help me realize where i can improve my interactions with them. for this i'm grateful. often it takes brutal honesty to show a person how much they need to change. i hope i reacted with as much grace as i was given (even though in one of the conversations, i seriously got my ass kicked - i still saw the grace to let me know rather than let me flounder). i love these two for wanting to see me be a better man and having the balls to do something about it.

Biggest Disappointment of the Week:

2006-10-06T08:44:00.000-04:00

I'm glad I didn't waste the money to see this in the theater. I'm also glad I didn't waste the money and rent the DVD (Sorry, Greg.) Check here for a full blow-by-blow as to why this movie was so bad.

current read....

2006-10-02T21:55:00.000-04:00

our bonfire got rained out tonight... well, it's not currently raining, but due to the torrential downpours earlier today and with the deck going up, the backyard was a mud pit. fun for soccer not for bonfires and chillin' out.

the thunder and lightning right now is pretty cool though...

I've been reading anger. i think i talked about it in an earlier post. i was going to bring up anger as a topic this evening, but instead I'll post to the masses and allow for comment.

1. i don't consider myself an angry person.
2. i can lose my temper.
3. i do get angry.

i decided that anger is legitimate emotion to something that seems, well, wrong. the last time i posted, i had only read about two chapters of this book. last night, i read a chapter on the Buddhist view of anger... get this:

The Buddha once said that the cause of suffering is directly related to the three mental addictions of delusion, desire, and anger. Delusion deals mainly with pride or self-addiction. Desire encompasses envy, lust, and gluttony. Anger... "anger addiction--anger at the universe for resisting being incorporated into oneself, anger born of fear of oneself becoming swallowed up by the universe, anger that wants to destroy the opposing universe once and for all in the defense of one's delusional self."

Yeah - I don't get it either. You might have to be a Buddhist to understand. However, Thurman does propose addiction to be defined as that which promises satisfaction yet does not deliver that satisfaction in the long term and therefore requires the individual to return to the vice again and again and again (booze, cigarettes, food, stuff, porn, etc.). Anger to the Buddhist is one of these addictive vices that a person ultimately can transcend, which he attempts at teaching us how to do in the next chapter. YOGA!! Treat your anger AND become uberflexible all at the same time!! I think Yoga might be a cure all....

Anyway... I know that I need to get rid of my short fuse. I don't think I want to stop becoming angry at injustice or poverty or lack of health care, etc.

I think that a good check of one's anger should be the result of the emotion. When you become angry at something legitimate do you just complain about it? Or, does it cause you to help fix the problem? It's easy to become angry. It is not easy to take up the cause and work for the betterment of life.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter...

night life...

2006-09-29T22:07:00.000-04:00

so I'm sitting here in our newly arraigned living room with a new view of the kitchen. it's dark, the only light on is the one above the kitchen table. i look up and see this:

I know the photo quality isn't the best, but I quick grabbed the miniDV and snapped some quick shots before the moment passed. It's been a long night. Prior to this photo shoot, Addison had been crying/screaming for the past couple of hours. (She's teething.) Elli was cranky. Liam was tired from a day playing with friends and no nap. Jenna had a long day with the kids. I stood online at the Secretary of State twice today. We all were inching toward the end of our rope. I look up and see Jenna and Addison both in pure contentment. In that moment I felt so much love for them and forgot about our day of busy chaos. That is ephemera worth writing about.

giddy.

2006-09-28T22:05:00.000-04:00

jenna and i finally had enough of the green machine. knowing that, we've been saving our pennies one by one and ended up with something like this:

with that and a really good deal that our neighbor gave us. we were able to purchase this:

i'm giddy.

The Deck Project has Begun

2006-09-28T15:08:00.000-04:00

The wood is here. It's a beautiful fall day in Grand Rapid. Greg had the day off. I had the day off.

So what else was there to do but destroy our current deck and make room for the new one.

You'll notice in several pictures how ROTTEN the old deck was... literally it is by the grace of God that we never collapsed the thing. Anyway, the Flickr badge to the right of this post has the pics.... enjoy.

Vintage CCM Thursday

2006-09-28T13:18:00.000-04:00

I talked to my father today. He just took a new job as choir director at First Baptist Church of Manhattan (NYC). The pastor there wants to "contemporize" their services. He called my dad today and asked if they could sing "Be a Missionary" this Sunday.

Now, if you are of a background similar to mine you might remember the words to this song:

"Be a missionary everyday (CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP)
Tell the world that Jesus is the way

Be it in a town or country
or a busy avenue
Africa or Asia
the choice is up to you

So be a missionary everyday (CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP)
tell the world that Jesus is the way

The Lord is soon returning
There is no time to lose
so...
be a missionary
God's own emissary
Be a missionary today! Hooray!"

We sang this song at EVERY missionary conference growing up. I think they secretly hoped it would brainwash us all into going into world missions, because after all that's where all the real, mature christians ended up.

People, I'm NOT making this up. and the melody is as cheesy as the verbiage. My dad is actually not all that bad when it comes to good music. After all, he teaches music at a college. He's got his master's in music performance. He knows what's what, and thankfully put his foot down. Thanks, Dad for keeping it real.

Vintage CCM Question of the day:

In your opinion what Sunday School song has some of the worst theology you've ever heard? or What's your favorite Sunday School song from growin up?

Mine: 1) worst theology - "Onward Christian Soldiers"
2) favorite - "Halelujah - Praise Ye the Lord!" It was always fun to see who could scream their part the loudest.

How about you?

there are times...

2006-09-26T21:44:00.000-04:00

there are times when i just feel like writing for no good reason. i don't know what to write. i have nothing in mind. i just needed to type and feel the keys touch the tips of my fingers.

why is that? why is it that sometimes in a moment in which we want and actually feel like speaking, we find ourselves at a loss for words? just the desire to write or speak or create.

that's where i find myself tonight. i'm in the living room. it's quiet. my wife is at the grocery store. the kids are in bed. the stillness of the night is sacred.

i long for jenna to feel this sacred quiet. and not even with me. sure with me would be nice, but her days are busy without end. she is the strongest woman i know. she seriously kicks my ass when it comes to life. she is a rock. a strong yet loving mother to our kids. i role model for women anywhere. she never gets rest she needs. i know that life with three kids will become better once they are a bit more independant, but right now it's not easy and in fact sometimes it actually sucks. especially when they are putting vasaleen or tooth paste in their hair or feeding the dog the steak we cooked for them on the grill. i know that jenna needs rest and stillness. i need to find ways to make that happen.

that said, our stories make us who we are. they are the lifeblood of what constitues our family. and on many levels i embrace them, even when they drive us crazy at the time. i love love love my family. i enjoy the fun and the chaos. family is messy. and life without messy is well - boring. and without all the chaos, would the stillness really be as sacred? i don't think so...

i'm not going to go through and edit this. it may sound like rambling. but it's a night post and rambling is allowed. hope there's something there worth reading.

current events:

2006-09-25T22:47:00.000-04:00

what i'm reading:
as i lay dying - william faulkner
the book of acts - st luke
anger - Robert A. F. Thurman

just finished:
new rules - bill maher
the book of luke - st luke
envy - joseph epstine

what i'm listening to:
john coltrain - live in japan
andrew bird - andrew bird and the mysterious production of eggs
the flaming lips - at war with the mystics
sonic youth - rather ripped

(a shout-out to nate hibma for the andrew bird recommendation)

what about you?

The Meat-Sticks Return....

2006-09-23T13:40:00.000-04:00

Today I went to an adult only taste test for Innovative Consumer Research…. (Gerber). If you remember the post about meat sticks, today’s ICR test was to give feedback on possible names for the meat stick product. Interestingly enough, one of the possible names was “meat stick.” Others were “meat morsels” or “meat delights.” For these to be possibilities, I think the product would actually have to be meat and would have to be a morsel or a delight. Morsels are chocolate chips. Delights are something from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe that has Peter almost becoming a pawn for the bad guys or girls as the case may be.

As I was waiting, I read the lid on the jar. The expiration date read “02May09.” Which really poses the question, are these sticks in formaldehyde? I don’t know much about meat, but I think that meat isn’t supposed to stay fresh for 2 years.

I went for choosing the names that included the words “sticks” or “bites.” I actually had to taste these things. In the last part, I had to suggest names that weren’t on the list. I refrained from writing “tastes like pooh.”

Africa 1.:.The Place

2006-09-23T13:28:00.000-04:00

Reading Anne’s blog since she got back from her trip to Ada trip to Kenya, I realized that many of you that read this thing 1)didn’t know that I went to Tanzania 2)never read my old yahoo360 page where I posted these 3) might actually want to read these... So here you go. The trip is in three posts.

I continue to have so much on my mind regarding this trip. I have to break it down into manageable bites.

We landed in Nairobi, Kenya. Nairobi is city that time forgot. Most of the high-rises look as though they were built in 1963 – and from what I understand, they were. Not much new construction happens because contracts are lost during the rapid transitions of governments. Most of the Nairobi population lives in the slums. These are hell on earth. They are crowded, filthy, and infested. The obvious difference between the rich and the poor is evident in the land divisions.

Our fly overs were eye-opening as the beauty of the landscape spread out from Nairobi while we flew over the Great Rift Valley. This was much like the surface of the moon as water was quite scarce due to heavy drought in the past several months. However, the lines of the earth gave an impression of awe. The land is so vast. So huge. No picture could do this impression justice.

Bumbiri Island is one of the most beautiful pieces of untouched land on the planet. I've been around, and this is one of my favorites. The land is rich, anything could grow and does from staples like potatoes and corn to pineapples and banana as sweet and delicious as you've ever tasted. The fertility is also of dire importance as the missionaries are able to go medicinal herbs that help cure common maladies from headaches (real and alcohol induced) to stomach flu. Unfortunately this also means that the people are able to grow narcotics easily – there is a large drug problem on the island.

The Island is a volcano in Lake Victoria with four peaks and valleys spread across the crescent shape. There is one school on the island, where the hollow ground rumbles with joy as the children play soccer and run around following us white folk around the school grounds.

Over the 10 days I was there, I enjoyed some of the best hiking trails I have ever experienced. The beauty was that these were natural trails used for living life on the island, untouched by marketing and tourism.

Sadly, Lake Victoria is experiencing some of the lowest levels in its history. In the past two years levels have dropped about 8 feet. This is a huge lake, and that’s a lot of water. This is becoming an environmental and economic disaster for Africans trying to make what meager living they can from fishing this lake (see the documentary Darwin’s Nightmare for further discussion into the fishing disasters of Lake Victoria in Tanzania/Rwanda/etc.).

I have fallen in love with Africa. It will be easy for me to become obsessed with anything African – movies, books, music.

Africa 2.:.The People

2006-09-23T13:25:00.000-04:00

Beautiful and tragic. These are two words to describe my impression of the people with whom I met while I spent February 2006 in Tanzania.

Beautiful. The color and life that the African people bring to planet earth is breath taking. They love to smile and laugh, spend time together in community and family. They work for and with each other to accomplish task. Now sure, there are problems--Some crime, drunkenness and sexual addictions—but every culture has its vices.

What struck me more, was the tragedy that is the African continent. Before I left for my trip, I read up on life in Africa as seen through the eyes of D.A.T.A., One Campaign, World Vision, Bono, etc. I watched Hotel Rwanda and The Constant Gardener. I read novels written by and about Africans. It seemed like the left was trying to make the problems seem worse than they really were for funding and support, spinning stories to make it look like the need was so great.

Little did I know that yes, while drama is drama, life in Africa is bad. Where we were in Tanzania we were greeted formally by the children. They said a word to us that sounded like “shook-e-ma.” I’m not sure how it’s spelled, but I was told what it means: “Allow me to kiss your feet.” To which I was told to reply “Matta-haaba,” which literally means, “You may kiss them a thousands times.” I was taken back as this seemed so wrong. And really, it was, but it is there tradition. It is a formal greeting left over from colonialism and slave-trade. This example just scratches the surface. So much of life on the island we visited seemed like it was a result of hundreds of years of being told what to do. The people don’t have much initiative to accomplish work. They would rather just hang out together and work enough to live. It is only when someone comes in from the outside and shares with them that they could have fresh drinking water if they dig out a spring will they band together and work for something that is greater than themselves.

Yet, that said, they are really content people with love for each other, tribe and family. They are wonderfully created by the Father. To say this was a lesson in mission was an understatement, this was a lesson in human anthropology – seeing a developing nation, well… develop life on the island as they find and dig for water, work the land to feed themselves and barter for goods. I was lucky to be a fly on the wall of their lives.

Africa 3.:.AIDS

2006-09-23T13:14:00.000-04:00

The fishing villages off the coast of Tanzania have the highest concentration of HIV/AIDS in Africa.

8 out of 10 sexually active adult men are infected. They are between the ages of 14 and 35.

Life expectancy is 35.

These men are not educated about how HIV is spread. This is what they believe:

AIDS is spread only through sleeping with women who are not virgins; therefore, child rape is growing as more and more women of age are not virgins.
Condoms will protect them from the spread of AIDS. So they reuse the condoms they have.
AIDS will just go away. So they live as they please, not knowing that that AIDS will only go away when they all die from it.

These islands are the last to receive any sort of medical attention. In the past two years, the Tanzanian government has denied vaccinations to Bumbiri Island because the only medical personal on the island was American. They have just begun no passing by the island on their local medical drop offs only because the medical personal went on strike. Vaccinations reach the island, but any sort of AIDS medication (AZT, etc.) will never reach the island.

OK. So what can be done? I can’t just tell you all of these facts without giving you something that can be done about it…. But I’m not sure what can be done about it when the government is corrupt, the people are uneducated and are apathetic to change – or unaware that change is needed.

One person at a time.
Explain options and the need for abstinence.
Teach women a trade, so they no longer need to prostitute themselves to make money.
Pray for them.
Make sure that people are giving them the love of Jesus.

In talking with the missionaries, we also learned about the non-profits that help with AIDS in Africa such as WorldVision, et all. I don't want to belittle their work. They are bring Jesus' love to these people. However, much of the support money spent goes towards admin costs as they want their volunteers and paid staff to life as American's would. I don't know if there is anything wrong with this, but it does make me think before sending money.

Oh, BUT... check out Charles Mulli – our church supports his ministry. He’s an amazing gift of God on this planet.

Vintage CCM Thursday

2006-09-21T10:59:00.000-04:00

"Let me sing just 10 true words. I'd rather sing just 10 true words than 100 words that in the end amount to nothing.
Absolutely nothing."

from "the secret of time" by charlie peacock

Not only is he a great producer (having crafted the three early switchfoot albums, as well as out of the grey and sarah mason), he also is an excellent writer, artist and musician. Charlie Peacock continues to be one of my favorite artists.

If you get a chance, read A New Way to Be Human and his essay in It was Good: Making Art to the Glory of God.

Vintage CCM Question of the Day:
What is your favorite worship song that pre-date "Shout to the Lord"? (You KNOW you have one!)

Mine: "There is a Redeemer" by Keith and Melody Green

Picks of the Day....

2006-09-21T10:15:00.000-04:00

Liam fell yesterday... You can read the story here. But these are the pics of the results:

"Temper, Temper..."

2006-09-19T22:05:00.000-04:00

Liam minutes old. Look at that face. I believe in this moment he is genuinely pissed off at the world. Think about it. He was just (seriously just) in a warm, dark, and safe place. Here he is naked, cold, blinded by lights, and probably completely confused trying to quickly figure out breathing and voices and lights and sounds. An experience like this would seriously make anyone pissed. And perhaps he just in shock. But here I see the first - "what the hell are you doing with that camera in my face at this moment, dad?!" - look on his face.

Two weeks ago I began reading through the New York Public Library/Oxford University's Seven Deadly Sins series. If you want to know more about the series, click on the link.

Anyway, I started with Pride as I figured that was the biggest one considering it seems to be the sin that brought down humanity. Moved on to Envy because my pastor suggested I read it next. They're quick reads chocked full of great one liners and insight into the human psyche.

I started Anger two nights ago. It's written by Robert A. F. Thurman, a former Buddest monk who renounced his vows and got married, had kids, and a life outside of the temple. He continues though to practice Buddhism, and his outsider's viewpoint of the "sin" of Anger is really quite interesting, especially as he pinholes the God of Wrath and his Son the enforcer carrying out righteous anger on the earth. I'm only two chapters in and shouldn't really be writing my criticism yet, but that said I think I want to become a Buddhist. Ok, no... However, listen to this quotation that comes from a poem at the start of the book:

"Here in the world, anger is never pacified by anger. It is pacified by love. This is the eternal truth. Some do not realize that we are heading for death. Those who do realize it will compose their quarrels. Happy indeed we live, friendly amid the haters. Among men amid hate we dwell free from hate...Suffering does not befall him who is unattached to words and things and is free of possessions. I call him a charioteer who holds back the arisen anger as though holding back a swerving chariot. Others are only holders of reins."

I don't consider myself an angry person. I can have a bit of a temper. I can hear my mother singing, "Temper, temper, Daniel Christian..." trying to calm me down. I really like this idea of pacifying anger with love.

At this point in the book, Thurman seems to hold a position that calls for a seemingly radical lack of anger in a person's life. We in the church hear a lot about the righteous anger he criticizes in Judeo-Christian ethics. I'm still on the fence as to whether I allow for anger in my worldview. Sure, I get angry who can't when the Church fights within and among its denominations; our country is led by a man, who I have to believe means well, but has surrounded himself with idiots that don't make him look too good in the public eye; aids is ravaging the world; poverty is a reality; etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

Ok, yes anger must be a part of worldview, but how can I actively be, as St. Fancis puts and Instrument of God's Peace in this world? The task is daunting.

life as best as i remember....

i think i've moved...

Liam.

Rachel's Weeping....

Just Add Water.

Thanks, Duderus!

middle of nowhere, america

In 15 minutes...

BMW...

pics from the destination...

Observations from the Road: Volume 1 – in no particular order…

ROAD TRIP!!!

::love this::

Beardless in Michigan

NO KIDS!!!

New Sleeping Paterns...

The Winter's Tale

creatives are cool....

bff.ttfn.lol.cul8r

Rule One in Blogging....

snowy sunday afternoon

too much inside time...

An Actual Snow Day...

Snowed In Saturday...

recent sleeping patterns...

prayer...

sunday night dinner

growing up...

recommendations:

OH, why do we love you so....

"...well, actually do that."

Let It Snow...

3-O

little miss sunshine and a very long night

first sabbath in the new year.

Question.

A Hidden Wholeness...

i am actually resting.

The Hit Christmas Presents in the Scott Household

anger management.

100!

it is 6:30 AM....

day off.

beautiful day today in GR...

cube farm...

Learning Faith...

*rest*

absolved of work guilt...

just breathe

"the most wonderful time of the year"

computer skills...

Sæglópur

Thanksgiving 2006

happy thanksgiving... a bit early...

Today I learned...

IT'S DONE!!!

dan scott.

too much to do anything well...

be my witnesses...

Benfits of Working at a Church at Christmas Time...

Creative Development 101

ordinary life.

the flood...

Birthday Girl!!!

For all of you NPR fans out there....

and if anyone was wondering....

posting....

saturday night live....

Can I Just Say.....

church?

the cross....

and so it begins....

Horror Film?

all i want for christmas...

if only...

graduate study parenting...

la‧ment /ləˈmɛnt/ [luh-ment]

horrified.

pumpkins....

i need a cigarette....

rest